Flash Nonfiction by John Silvio
Or Ten Reasons Why You Might Think I’m a Hipster
1. I hate it when people put ketchup on their hotdogs. This is an abomination that cannot be allowed to stand. The proper condiment for hotdogs is mustard, preferably brown.
2. I hate it when people hate on popular music. We all have our own opinions and should be allowed to listen to whatever we want—even if it’s garbage. (Except Justin Bieber. You can hate Justin Bieber if you want to.)
3. I hate the New York Yankees. Even if they weren’t from New York and the archrivals of my hometown Red Sox, I am against any organization that has a ban on beards. I have a beard, and beards are awesome, at least when they’re not being abused by hipsters. (I would deny being a hipster, but that’s exactly what a hipster would do. So I won’t.)
4. I hate the two-party system. I’m tired of having to decide between, in the words of South Park, a giant douche and a turd sandwich.
5. I hate it when people let their personal views obscure their view of reality. There is no perfect world. We all have our own vision of what the perfect world would be, and I’m thinking Rush Limbaugh’s perfect world and Marilyn Manson’s perfect world might not be compatible.
6. I hate that people aren’t as familiar with classic movies as I think they should be. Everyone should know that Bela Lugosi played Dracula.
7. I hate that I’m turning into an old man. Damn, look at the last point I made. My grandparents weren’t even alive in 1931 when Dracula came out.
8. I hate top ten lists. I mean seriously, it’s been done before. A little originality wouldn’t be out of order.
9. I hate hate. Hate is not cool, bro.
10. I hate irony—irony is never funny. Ever.
Art Information
- "What You Love You Must Love Now" © Jonathan Youngblood; Creative Commons license.
John Silvio has a bachelor's degree in physics from MIT—but that didn't work out, so now he's studying journalism at Harvard. In between, he's worked as a security guard, for an Internet start-up company, and as a chef for his friends. He makes a killer BBQ sauce. He currently lives in Somerville, Massachusetts.
This is his first published work of nonfiction.
Why is this flash piece nonfiction?
There’s a lot of discussion about what is and isn’t nonfiction. John thinks that nonfiction means a piece of writing is, well, not fiction. If you’re wondering how useful a label that is…you’re right.
