Poem by Jeffrey Erlacher
Sleep Study
Marisol informs me that I stop breathing during sleep
throwing the lungs into a fit
the riotous bleating of life pulling at life
awakens her, frightens her
I say it happens in my roused hours, too
when the stars are present even if difficult to see
the negative scene oxygenates my brain
when the inanimate parts the surgeons placed in me
singe the air with ache and disconnection
and the inward stare forgets to respire
when a poem I read thumps the wind from me
and like the printed page
its transmission requires no breath
she feels the need to nudge me
back into being
away from the precipice of
drowning in dreams
she’d like someone to drink her morning coffee with
I think my reptilian brain has never quite worked properly
survival eyes and rote movements couldn’t ever fully be trusted
instinct without thought in a world this alive
I like how the light fades slowly
from my closed eyes
forms a green darkness
from concentric stars only I can see
how the moment hypothesizes itself
stitches together a blank quire
how it risks meaning nothing
Marisol knows the limits of breath
how there’s only so much outcome in our effort
she remembers the tube down my throat
the nineteen hours of surgery
that did not exist for me until they were gone
I tell her it’s taken me the last hundred and fifty years of human history
to find my voice
somewhere between "you’d be dead if not for"
and "sorry for not meaning to say"
not yet a storm, just a depression
that I submit to historicity
in a way that ensures our mutual misunderstanding
how all things move glacially, even my teeth
blessed are the well-armed
the sound of hearts opening and closing
Art Information
- “Portlandish Lights” © Nelson Lowhim; used by permission.
Jeffrey Erlacher is a writer and educator living in Denver, Colorado. His poetry has recently been published in The Remembered Arts Journal, Midwest Review, and Brushfire. He also wrote a children's novel, The Little Palace, forthcoming from Zimbell House.
For more information, visit Jeffrey Erlacher’s website or @erlacherjeffrey on Twitter.